ossu.

i wonder if anyone is going to read this (the fact that i didnt update this for.. a year now?) but im going to write it anyhow to let you all know how im doing and what not. as for showing up in japan during thanksgiving, its not happening. so if i told you ill be there, i wont be because my dad's company changed their mind and basically screwed us over. so, sorry but i cant go. but im hoping i can go during the summer.. hopefully sometime during august maybe or.. if i decide not to stay here for summer camps, ill be at hiba camp. hopefully. so spread the word that i wont be going during thanksgiving if you see this.

other than that, school is alright. sophomore year blows, school sucks but other than school, its all good. hutsuuni my grades are going down. but you know, having to take notes for three hours each night about french revolution (which you dont get at all) and chemistry.. lol, doesnt happen. volleyball is good.. im managing the girls.. hopefully getting a varsity letter. kelsey and nanae, if you are seeing this, know that you guys are WAY ahead. here, volleyball is good, but its either you have to be REALLY good or just tall in general. and the varsity in CAJ could beat my school, but then my school isnt that good so. go to california, they have good volleyball there.

dont know what to talk about.. i want to hear what you guys are up to. ayumi, cross country? whoa, you must be good. tyler, i hope your knee is okay. natsuki, i miss you more than ever, are you still plucking eyebrows? courtney, you still skating? ill send you stuff if you want me to. i miss your house and buffy and you. nanae, i miss you too more than ever. reanne, you still playing guitar? medivaks. kelsey and sue-chan, tell me how youre doing. rei, mata trains ni hammateru? lol.

fill me up guys.

thats why i need to go back to japan.

anyways, something really quick that annoyed me really alot in church today. so i went to church.. and in the beginning, we were singnig praises and all that. and i look around and see all these people singing and praising and was like.. wow, God indeed does miracles in peoples lives and all that, and was thinking how good christians they were. then this woman, who also was worshipping, had to let someone by to their seat. so the person's asking her if she can move a little bit so that she can get through, then the woman looks at her with disgust thinking how annoying she is.

why does this happen guys? its the church. you worship because you are a christian, and christian people dont get annoyed like that.

darn.. people these days.

i noticed today that the only reason i was getting so depressed every day was because i go to school. honestly. see i dont mind the whole academic aspect of school -- you know, its good for you, and heck, ill study. but the whole social aspect of school -- having to make jokes, having to be likable, having to stay quiet, having to be nice, having to just.. be someone is tiring and makes me depressed. alot lately. so im gonna let it all out. now.

i never was a social person. i mean yah, i laugh really loud and i speak really loud and i talk alot. thats not what i mean. ive just never been socially good with people, i dont make new friends alot, i dont open up myself, im not.. social. but school, to survive you need to be social. you need to seem funny to everyone else, you need to make jokes, you need to be nice and accept everything, you need to be something. but you know, i wonder why.. i do.

would it be easier if i just stayed home all week? maybe. at least i wouldnt have to see anyone -- and that would help. i hate that im surrounded by humans, and i hate that i am a human. honestly, God, good job creating humans but, if i were you, i wouldnt have.

but back to my point, if i stayed home.. would that count as being "myself"? i guess you can look at it two ways. one could be how you dont have to act like someone for someone -- so therefore you could be yourself. but also by staying home, you are running away from who you are.. and staying back.

im just really sick and tired of people. teachers. friends. even my close friends. i wish they just.. all went somewhere for one day, and i knew what it would feel like to be alone on this planet for one day. im sure id enjoy it.

god.

ive become so lazy over the past two weeks, i really dont even remember the last time i had enough energy to even get up from my bed. i love weekends. its when i can do whatever i want until 3 in the morning and get so tired, i can sleep through saturday and do my homework on sunday and feel all relaxed.

so not much is happening these days. friday we had a fieldtrip, went to canobie lake park, rode on rollercoasters, waterslides, got wet.. pretty fun time. i wish i had pictures, but i dont. my bad. then volleyball game, we beat the best team in the league. it was fun.

then i went to scotts house in framingham for his birthday party. didnt know half the people there. about 40 minutes after his thing started, we got a call saying one of his friends are in a fight and need help because hes getting beat up. it was hardcore seeing people fight. ACTUALLY fight. yappa america dayo.

then we ran. ran and ran. back to his house. got some pizza, watched saw. then i left. slept through saturday. woke up today, got some stuff for volleyball, then here i am. i think im going to go run later but.. not now. meanwhile, im going to find some pictures, hold on.

urgh cant find any. comments.